Series of Amazing Events (for a Personal Assistant)

Jason Gallagher
87th St and Farley St
Overland Park, KS 66212
United States

From $12 To $12.00
Per Hour
Employment Type
Work Schedule
No Travel

Job Description
There are many, many types of jobs in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people. Now, if you are the type of person who seeks a simple job with easy tasks where nothing exciting happens, then you should stop reading right now and look for a job elsewhere. For I must warn you that this job is not ordinary; it is the kind that is stimulating, challenging, and rewarding. "Rewarding" is a word which here means "a wonderful feeling that you have helped another human being and accomplished an important and worthy task." If you continue reading, you do so at your own risk, for you will learn of a job so incredible it will lead to a series of amazing events.

This job begins with a guy named Jason. Unlike most 38 year old guys he enjoys classic computer games, board games, Legos, and Doctor Who. And most unlike other 38 year olds, he has a disability called Muscular Dystrophy. "Muscular Dystrophy" is a term which here means "a degenerative muscle disease which takes away Jason's ability to do most things for himself." It also means he must use a power wheelchair and hire people to help him meet his needs and reach his dreams. This job, the one I warned you about, is for a personal assistant for Jason. This job ends with you.

If you are the type of person who is creative, physically coordinated, detail oriented, intuitive, patient, mentally focused, and you have excellent spatial reasoning - a term which here means "the capacity to understand, reason and remember the spatial relations among objects or space" - then you will not regret applying for this position. If this is not your skill set, do not despair, because there is still a job somewhere out there for you, it is just not this one. If you are, or ever have been, a dancer, elite fencer, or someone who has successfully completed a feat of great physical and mental agility, then you would be doing yourself a disservice by not signing up for this job (because statistical calculations agree that you will make an excellent assistant.)

I have undoubtedly been droning on and on - a phrase which here means "talks way too much and should probably shut up" - so without further adieu here are the basic REQUIREMENTS for this job:

-Lived at least 18 years of life.
-Must be able to physically lift Jason. He weighs 135lbs. Lower body strength and lower center of gravity are ideal. Low squats are key.
-Must pass a background check.
-Must be cool with nudity, bodily functions, and personal care tasks.
-Have at least a basic familiarity with smartphones, tablets, and Windows computers.
-Human of any gender.

You will also need to know: This job pays $12.00 an hour. You must be eligible to work in the United States of America, and understand that taxes will be removed from your paycheck. This job is located in Overland Park. The following shift times are available to choose from. Monday to Friday 7:30am to 3pm, and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 3pm to 10:30pm (I may be able to work with you if you need a later start.). You can work the shifts that work best for you.

Now, if you have not been discouraged by my warnings, and you are ready to take on the job of your lifetime, then all you have to do is click the apply button and tell Jason that Citron sent you!
The End. 

Keywords: Personal Assistant, PA, Personal Care Assistant, PCA, Caregiver, Direct Support Worker, DSW, nursing, nurse
Job Requirements
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Jason Gallagher
Jason Gallagher
87th St and Farley St.
Overland Park KS 66212
United States